The “X-Files” was a seminal show about two FBI agents, both impossibly attractive, who searched for monsters and aliens. When they found these monsters and aliens, they often killed them, which kind of hindered the search for the truth.




One believed everything, no matter how insane, and the other needed proof of every theory, even after she was abducted by aliens. She would also get in danger often and had to be saved by her partner, which is something that rarely happens to real FBI agents. Also, they had cell phones that worked from anywhere, which was the most unrealistic part of a show that regularly featured zombies.

To celebrate the new, long-awaited “X-Files” movie — “X-Files: I Want to Believe” — here are our 10 Favorite Episodes Ever (Of All Time):

10. “Bad Blood” (Season 5)

We tend to enjoy the more humorous, monster-oriented standalone episodes over the mythology heavy ones. Honestly, we never really cared about why the aliens wanted to attack and who knew what and why. We’re bored just writing that sentence. Wait, so, the black oil is a human/hybrid mind-control drug that was made from a clone of Mulder’s sister and an ancient artifact found in the Persian Gulf. That makes perfect sense!




“Bad Blood” deals with vampires. We can understand vampires. Mulder and Scully investigate bizarre exsanguinations (as opposed to the perfectly normal exsanguinations) in Texas. The story is mainly structured around each character’s recap of the events that transpired and how the details differ depending on who is telling the story. “X-Files” was never afraid to have fun with the typical narrative. Something you rarely see on, say, “Nightline.”

9. “Small Potatoes” (Season 4)

This sad, dumpy guy with a tail who can shapeshift knocks out Mulder and assumes his identity. Thinking it would be awesome to look like David Duchovny and be an FBI agent, he finds Mulder’s life sad and predictable. He also hits on Scully and almost scores with her. This episode is not only extremely funny, it is also the exact same plot as most of our erotic fan fiction.

8. Hollywood A.D. (Season 7)

Duchovny wrote and directed this episode that parodies Hollywood, Christianity and zombies. (Which was also the plot of “Point Break.”) Garry Shandling guest stars as a vain, obnoxious, possibly gay actor named Garry Shandling. The fact that Duchovny can write something so spot-on funny, so hip, so smart, so layered, really makes us sort of hate him.

7. “Ice” (Season 1)

“Ice” owes a lot to “The Thing From Another World” (and its 1982 remake), which is the main reason we love it. Mulder and Duchovny are trapped in the Arctic with a group of scientists and a possibly alien creature that infects its host with anger and paranoia.




There’s also a great “shrinkage” joke. And, really, you can’t have enough of those.

6. “Humbug” (Season 2)

Mulder and Scully find themselves in a freak show retirement village in Florida, investigating a grisly death. For a show that often dealt with otherworldly freaks, it’s almost touching to devote an hour to human ones. Plus, Scully eats a cricket.




Also starring: Jim, Jim: The Dogface Boy. The ep was written by Darin Morgan, who only wrote four episodes of the show, but they were all awesome.

5. “Triangle” (Season 6)

The first and only time-travel episode (Mulder hits the Bermuda Triangle and finds himself on a luxury liner fighting Nazis) is also special for its creative storytelling devices. The story is told in real time (this was pre’”24”) and most of the episode is filmed in one, continuous take.




There’s a great action sequence set to Benny Goodman’s “Swing, Swing, Swing,” and Mulder and Scully totally make out, but it’s in 1939, so it doesn’t count.

4. “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose” (Season 3)

Another Morgan-penned episode. Peter Boyle (before “Everybody Loves Raymond,” i.e. before he became totally annoying) is a psychic who can tell people when and where they will die. Mulder and Scully enlist his help in solving a murder. This is in a lot of ways a perfect “X-Files” episode, with the appropriate blend of humor, heart, suspense and pathos.

3. “Squeeze”/”Tooms” (Season 10)

A bit of a cheat as these are two separate stories, but they tell one story. Tooms is a creepy guy who can cavort his body to slither through impossible openings, and he also eats people’s livers (both of which are totally going on our resume).




“Squeeze” was only the third “X-Files” episode, but with its icky premise and suspenseful storytelling, it immediately identified the show as something special.

2. “Jose Chung’s ‘From Outer Space’” (Season 3)

Easily the funniest “X-Files” episode ever (also written by Morgan). A synopsis of the plot wouldn’t do it justice, nor would it explain why both Alex Trebek and Jesse Ventura have cameos, why Charles Nelson Reilly is brilliant for the first time in his life and why the words “Roswell,” “bleeping” or “Lord Kinbote” are so hilarious.




Aliens are involved, as is a fractured, “Rashomon”-type plot that toys with narrative and perspective and ... we JUST figured out why we didn’t have date to the prom.

1. “Home” (Season 4)

So, if you like sleeping and not freaking out, then don’t watch this episode late at night, alone. There’s a reason Fox once banned this episode from re-airing (besides the fact that everyone at Fox is spineless). Inbred hillbillies (which are the worst kind) wreck havoc on a small town called Mayberry (complete with its own Sheriff Taylor, who is savagely beaten to death with a baseball bat). The scariest part of the episode is that the freaks are totally human — and sort of sympathetic. Like all great episodes, the story balances the dark content with the light of the tricky Mulder/Scully relationship. Plus, you’ll never listen to Johnny Mathis the same again.

(If you want to be totally bummed out, click this link to YouTube with the aforementioned "Wonderful, Wonderful" scene. It's really gruesome and disturbing.)

For the rest of you, enjoy this song by Bree Sharp: