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Hey, you

Submitted by Meghann Ackerman on Tue, 2008-05-20 11:00.

It's one thing when a 4-year old, like chess champ Kevin Rogers, calls me "ma'am." Both Kevin and his younger sister called me "ma'am" the whole time I was at their house filming the epic, hour plus, chess game between Rogers and reporter Jonathan Cribbs.

I figured the kids were just doing what they've been taught by their parents...call anyone older than you "ma'am" or "sir." And since I'm 19 years older than Kevin, I can accept that I am his elder.

But in general, I'm much more comfortable being "Hey, you." When I pull up to a military base and the cute guy in the guard station says, "Good afternoon, ma'am, how can I help you?" I get tongue tied. I'm no ma'am. This is one southern tradition I just can't accept.


Comments
Really?

My momma would slap me square in the mouth if I addressed someone with a "Hey you." Im boggled.


Posted by StephanieS - Tue, 2008-05-20 11:12
I do

say it to everyone. I think manners transcends age. In my home, I was brought up to say it. The way I learned was by example.
I am around children at least 5 times a week for hours at a time. They will all say ma'am in front of me as I say sir or ma'am to them. Their mothers and fathers say it as well, my friends were either brought up like that or spent enough time around us that they speak with respect when talking infront others. They are going to be made to say it to teachers with consequence if they don't so help with it. (Same thing with your recruit)
Don't take it as rude or condesending please. Understand it's one of those things with some people that is as common as washing you hands after you eat. As well as ma'am and sir, everyone either says please and thank you to me or I point it out :)


Posted by zoo - Tue, 2008-05-20 11:18
I know people are just being

I know people are just being polite or doing what they're supposed to. But it's still weird and I still need some time to get used to it.


Meghann Ackerman's picture
Posted by Meghann Ackerman - Tue, 2008-05-20 12:12
Meghann, you can also expect ...

... to be called "Miss Meghann" by kids at some point. I paused the first time I was called "Mr. Steve" when I came to Beaufort, but I've been called things far worse than that on the blogs, so I have no problem with "Mr. Steve." :)


sblust's picture
Posted by sblust - Tue, 2008-05-20 14:04
zoo's manners

zoo wrote:

.....The way I learned was by example.....

So who set the example that led to you calling a former president of the U.S. "retarded?"

I'm sure Mom & Dad are real proud of you.


Posted by KTOGP32 - Tue, 2008-05-20 19:44
yes, yes they are :)

KTOGP32 wrote:
zoo wrote:

.....The way I learned was by example.....

So who set the example that led to you calling a former president of the U.S. "retarded?"

I'm sure Mom & Dad are real proud of you.

That's certainly one of the nicer things I'd could have said about him... He's called far worse in my home every day... What you really think any different???? Everytime he opens his mouth, I feel sorry for his wife! I feel soory for us as a nation
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mqy91GnS-Bg


Posted by zoo - Wed, 2008-05-21 11:43
zoo's raisin'

.... I feel soory for us as a nation...

I do also zoo! But the reason I feel sorry for us is that it has become acceptable in some circles that disrespectful brats like you can spread their spiteful venom without consequence. Hang on....the pendulum will one day swing back to the direction of personal responsibility and decency.


Posted by TaylorStreet - Wed, 2008-05-21 19:25
TS

TaylorStreet wrote:

.... I feel soory for us as a nation...

I do also zoo! But the reason I feel sorry for us is that it has become acceptable in some circles that disrespectful brats like you can spread their spiteful venom without consequence. Hang on....the pendulum will one day swing back to the direction of personal responsibility and decency.

You call me a brat maybe I am... So what??? I do take personal responsibility for my actions, I'd like to see our president take some as well. When I make a mistake, I admit it. When I am wrong, I admit it.
I don't feel "soory" about anything I said.
You don't like what I said move to a country that doesn't have free speach :)


Posted by zoo - Wed, 2008-05-21 20:56
Meghann

The PMO folks at the base aren't following any sort of Southern tradition. It is also military protocol and tradition. It's a matter of respect. I do understand how you feel though, I have never been comfortable being called sir or Mr. Those are terms I relate to my late father.


Posted by topgunscooter - Tue, 2008-05-20 11:23
Yes ma'am---

This used to be an everywhere tradition, not just a southern tradition. Children respected their elders, people had manners. All my children better say yes ma'am and yes sir whether I'm present or not, even if the person they're speaking to doesn't feel he deserves it be cause he's not their elder. They're not calling someone old. They're just showing respect.


Posted by Stoney_pe - Tue, 2008-05-20 11:52
I would prob refer to you as

I would prob refer to you as "Miss" but you might also hear a "Ma'am" or two and I'm twice your age....(and a little more)..keep in mind in today's world, too many people see a too informal address as an insult or an ulterior motive, espec from us old guys toward very young women....just trying to keep from being pepper sprayed or worse...


Posted by classidiot - Tue, 2008-05-20 12:31
I promise not to pepper

I promise not to pepper spray someone just for addressing me in an impolite manner. That would be very rude.


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Posted by Meghann Ackerman - Tue, 2008-05-20 12:36
Ma'am

As southerners, we were taught to say ma'am or sir to our elders, but the expression was also used widely as a show of respect for anyone of any age. It's a holdover from a more genteel age, but I like it.

Even at 74, I guess I shock some of the young people manning the retail checkouts by saying "Thank you, ma'am or sir." Just good manners. I know some of them think, "He's weird,", but it may send a message for people to respect each other and some may remember it.

And it used to be more widespread. I ordered a collector's set of 88 episodes of "Our Gang" otherwise know as "The Little Rascals". Even though it wasn't filmed in the south in the 1920s to late 1930s, the children all use ma'am or sir to their elders. So far, I have enjoyed reminiscing about the sets, such as the school desks and relatively primitive schools compared to those of today. And the films are hilarious with the antics of those kids. An age of innocence and personal responsibility.


Posted by egret57 - Tue, 2008-05-20 12:46
Re: Egret

Yes Sir! I made it a habit, both intentionable due to the slap, and then it became a good habit later unintentionally. I raised my family the same way. Later, in the Public Service field it is automatic. I also say "Thankyou Sir/Mam" to the others who are too dumb or ignorant to say such hoping some might rub off. Some of them say "You're welcome..." HA!

I like those Little Rascals too. I used to look like Alfalfa but now I don't even have that hair thing anymore. LOL I like Amos and Andy reruns too. The guys at the Station get a kick out of ole Kingfish.


Posted by Freddiefiredog - Tue, 2008-05-20 13:24
Ma'am.....or Sir............get used to it

.......because the older you get, the more you will hear it.
Where were you raised? Saying yes ma'aam or yes, sir is just good manners. The military are required to address you that way.
I don't understand anyone feeling offended by being treated respectfully. I bet when you were a kid, you answered adults by saying "yeah". The "yeah" response is so rude to hear from a child, don't ya'll think?
I would MUCH rather hear "Yes, sir?" or "Yes, ma'am?" than the horrid "yeah?" !!


Posted by localshrimp@hot... - Tue, 2008-05-20 13:13
Sorry, ma'am.

As I child, I, too, was taught to say ma'am and sir to my elders. I even had a friend who would add it anytime he spoke to an adult i.e. "That's my bike, sir."

I get more kind responses with ma'am and sir than with "yeah" or "hey, you."

You can go very far in this world with nice manners. They put everyone on an equal footing and make people feel welcome. So, Ms. Ackerman, sorry, ma'am, if you do not feel at home with the expression.

My children say "ma'am" and "sir" now, though, and they are seen as the norm among their peers.


Posted by trenchards - Tue, 2008-05-20 13:39
To each his or her own. I

To each his or her own. I also don't feel offended...just strange. I don't think of myself as a "ma'am;" I think of myself as a "Meghann."

This whole debate reminds me of a episode of The Real Housewives of New York that I caught. (I'm so ashamed to have typed that last sentence.) One of the women got very offended that she was introduced to a driver by her first name. The other woman she was with just didn't get it. I've never been one for titles or formality. In my line of work, I'm just happy when someone answers me and doesn't walk away or hang up on me.


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Posted by Meghann Ackerman - Tue, 2008-05-20 13:41
I still get a chuckle when

I still get a chuckle when the greeters at Wal-Mart call me "young man"....


Posted by classidiot - Tue, 2008-05-20 14:38
To what are you referring?

I have never heard of the Real Housewives of New York. We real people of the Lowcountry do wish to have gentility and civility in our lives.


Posted by trenchards - Tue, 2008-05-20 14:46
I understand where you're coming from

I'm not from here, and where I came from, we were not taught to say, ma'am and sir, or to address everyone with a Ms or Miss in front of it. We WERE expected to be polite, but there were big differences between what is considered polite here and what was polite there. Therefore, when I came here, I had to force myself to start saying ma'am and sir, and Ms, Mr, Miss. I still forget occasionally, and it sometimes makes me upset that people just assume that you are being rude. If that is not the way you were raised, it is difficult to get used to and easy to forget.


Posted by alh29907 - Tue, 2008-05-20 15:16
southern manners....

I think "ma'am" and "sir" is pretty much across the US. The military uses it as a show of respect. Only officers are referred to as ma'am and sir. When my husband goes thru the gate and shows his ID they call him by his rank. "Good to go Sergeant." They call me "ma'am". Think it's to cover their butts.

I was raised to call adults Mr. or Mrs. and then their lastname. So my old neighbor was a little shocked when my girls called her Miss Kathy.


Posted by kandk - Tue, 2008-05-20 19:35
Politeness is not JUST a Southern trait

FYI, Being polite or professional by refering to someone as Sir or Ma'am is NOt a trait that is unique to people from the South. Believe it or not everyone used to talk that way and do all sorts of other things that would boggle the minds of many of you. The issue is that the "stupid" southerners refused to start being cold insensative drones that walk the streets above the Mason Dixson line. The Military is rooted in tradition and has similarily refused to lower thier standards. Additionally, I spend a great deal of my time in Washington and New York city, and by far the people of NYC are as friendly as my hometown friends in Charleston. DC on the other hand is the rudest most corrupt and money hungry cities I have ever been to and that includes Baghdad.


Posted by DaddyBlue - Tue, 2008-05-20 21:34
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