Here is my column from this past Sunday. It's an (hypothetically) humorous look at some predictions for the new year. I wanted to share it with you Gazzogers and get your predictions for 2008. What do you think will happen?

Who needs a crystal ball? Here's 2008 in a nutshell

Writing the news is hard. Predicting the news is fun! See the difference?

Here are our best guesses for 2008, certain to become true. Although we still advise you to read your Beaufort Gazette daily; you know, just in case:

January
•On the heels of his endorsement from celebs such as Chuck Norris and Ric Flair, Mike Huckabee announces his latest score: Jim "Gomer" Nabors. "Who says Hollywood is just for liberals?" asks Huckabee. Nabors replies, shaking his head sadly, "I haven't worked in Hollywood in years."

February
•The Beaufort Appearance Commission rejects plans to build a CVS on Boundary Street, saying the designs are not Lowcountry enough. The plan is approved when CVS agrees to paint its building brown. An anonymous commissioner says, "Nothing says distinct historic Lowcountry like shades of brown."
•In a surprising change of position, Al Gore comes out against global warming. "Wow, I had it all wrong," the former vice president says at a press conference. "I was way off. My bad."
•Because of the ongoing writers' strike, ABC announces a bold move: Actors in their hit dramas will improvise scripts. First up, "Lost":
Jack: So, uh, we're stuck on this crazy island ... wild.
Kate: (looking around) Yeah.
(sounds of crickets)
Jack: Soooo ... sorry, what was that?
Kate: Huh? I didn't say anything.
Jack: Oh.

March
•Beaufort County Council members face stiff fines from their respective property owners associations for having unkempt lawns. The council immediately repeals the county's Lawful Employment Ordinance.
•A Beaufort man, missing for the last three months, is found. He was stuck in the drive-through line at the new Arby's.
•The opening scene of improv "Grey's Anatomy":
McDreamy: So, yeah, we're doctors! Yay!
Meredith: Yep.
McDreamy: Um, I, uh, still love you?
Meredith: (Under her breath) That was last season.
McDreamy: Oh. Wait. Right. Do I love the blonde one?

April
•Because of the Michael Vick case, dogfighting is no longer the favorite illegal activity for professional athletes. In its place -- catfighting. The most popular match features Carmen Electra vs. Pam Anderson.

May
•Tops at the box office for the third straight week: The new Eddie Murphy family comedy "Kicked in the Groin: The Movie;" an animated flick about a talking pig and penguin who learn how to bowl; and a live-action version of "The Smurfs" starring Jason Lee. In other news, culture dies.
•In addition to deciding Beaufort County should be chain-free, the County Council also decides the county should be Webkinz free. Council members say they won't enable a culture that keeps Webkinz pent up in the World Wide Web. "Webkinz pets are lovable plush pets that each come with a unique secret code," says council Vice Chairman Skeet Von Harten of the furry toys. "And these pets have found the code to my heart."

June
•Hillary Clinton easily wins the Democratic nomination, selecting Barack Obama as her vice president. Clinton says in her press conference, "I'm really glad to have Oprah aboard. Wait, did I say Oprah? I mean Obama. Haha. Obama Winfrey. Woops, there I go again!"
•After winning the Republican nomination, Mitt Romney selects Huckabee as his running mate. Romney says of the selection, "Now you have both 'regular Jesus' and 'new Jesus.'"

July
•The Boston Celtics win the NBA championship, making it a clean sweep of Boston teams and major sports titles. The trifecta makes Boston the top sports city in the U.S. However, it's still last in taxes, crime, homelessness, education and proper usage of the word "wicked."
•In order to gain support of voters unsure about electing a former Massachusetts governor, Romney releases a new ad campaign titled, "Hey, at least I'm not a woman!"
•Because of the ongoing writer's strike, NBC launches two new game shows: "Name That Color" and "How Tall Am I?"

August
•State Sen. Catherine Ceips announces she won't run for re-election and will instead endorse Beaufort County Council Chairman Weston Newton. At a press conference the two shake on the deal. Weston gives Catherine his tie, and Catherine gives Weston a red suit, leaving her with only 50 red suits to spare.
•The Beijing Olympics finish without a hitch. Athletes we never heard of win medals for sports we never watch. In other news, third-string Detroit Pistons center Adam Busch signs a contract for $45 million.
•In order to gain sympathy for his wife, Bill Clinton agrees to have an affair with Lindsay Lohan. The former president says: "It's the least I can do!"

September
•The first debate between presidential candidates draws 10 million viewers. However, it comes in second in its time period to "Name That Color."
•In an unprecedented move, the Beaufort County Board of Education proposes a $1 billion school district referendum. The board says it only needs $500 million from the referendum to complete Whale Branch High School.
•In order to gain support of Christian voters, Romney releases a new ad campaign titled, "Hey, at least I'm not a Muslim!"•New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg announces he will run for president as a third party candidate. This makes the three major candidates a Mormon, a woman and a Jew. In other news, Mississippi secedes from the Union.

October
•Again running for House District 124, Randy Bates holds an open house at his Lady's Island home. He opens up the family photo albums, offers a look at all of his pay stubs dating back to 1990 and plays pin the tale on the donkey.
•After a heated, two-hour debate that covers topics such as health care, the War in Iraq, foreign policy and gay marriage, the reviews of the candidates' platforms are mixed: "Hillary looked grumpy," says Fox News analyst Whitey McGee. "Mitt's smile was NOT shiny," counters CNN pundit Jack Sillypants.
•Little-known utility second baseman Javier Garcia hits 80 home runs for the Washington Nationals. Along the way, his triceps, biceps and head grow four times their normal size. An ecstatic Commissioner Bud Selig says of the fete, "Thank God the steroid era is over!"

November
•Because of the mayoral race and presidential campaigns, Beaufort County announces record number of voters in the latest election. Twelve percent of the population shows up to the polls. "Democracy is alive and well," says some guy who has no idea what he's talking about.
•Bloomberg wins! ... third place in the presidential election. Tied for fourth are two write-in candidates: I.M. Phoney and Wie R. Doomed.

December
•In his final speech to Congress, President Bush reminisces about eight years of peace, prosperity, growth and happiness. He concludes his speech by saying, "Yep, the Reagan years were great!"

Ian Leslie, who writes the PoliticalPulse blog at beaufortgazette.com/politicalpluse, contributed to this column.